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I’m Back!

July 24, 2012

Oh my! Four days without a computer and I was about to tear my hair out. No email….how on earth would I know what my girlfriends in Montana, Colorado, Indiana, Michigan… were up to …..and no new catalog ads to read to keep me up to date on the latest gidget, gadget, shoes, house and garden decor, etc? What would I do when I couldn’t just run to the computer every couple hours to keep up with world events and the newest inventions. Devastating! And what about my Ebay? I have stuff listed there for sale! It’s crucial that I can check on my customers …..frequently! And of course I do have that part time consulting job for an organization in Washington DC. Never mind that it was the week end and nobody from there would be trying to contact me or send me new work!  To not be able to see what was happening on ETSY and Pinterest…..and Fine Art America. I felt as if half my heart had been stomped on, or at least badly bruised! My fingers twitched… keyboard to massage. And my photography! Oh dear! I couldn’t download my latest batch of my backyard and garden. What would my friends do if they didn’t see my husband standing next to the 9 foot corn, or that rare sparrow bathing in my fountain? A disaster of monumental proportions was brewing.

Yes, my computer crashed….last Friday. Turned out to be “the second worst case of virus infection that I have ever seen”… quote my computer tech! Terrific! I always like winning Guiness World Book type of records due to my lack of computer savvy! Did I run my anti-virus program faithfully? Yes, it was set up to run continually. Did I run my anti-Malware program? Yes, every Friday. How bout Spybot? Oh yeah…..every Friday. On top of all that I had a second anti viral program that I also ran every Friday! So what happened? Well, I guess I didn’t update all these programs often enough. Did anybody tell me to do that? They must have, but I surely don’t remember it. Update? Which program? How often? Now, of course I have written down very explicit instructions for each and every program that I have to ward off those insidious little viruses that actually can be fatal………to your computer, that is! Not only will I run my programs faithfully, but when the little screen pops up that asks if I want to check for updates, I will say YES! Now I know!

It’s just too typical of how my mind works. I hate machines. Well, not really. I actually love my shiny red Ford Escape Hybrid, but please don’t ask me any technical questions about it. It has a little button that I push and it shows me if my tires are low, how my brakes are doing, how many gallons per mile I am getting, etc. etc. A little yellow light comes on and a written message tells me when it is time to change my oil. I follow all those instructions to a T. I really can do that, but the minute that car has a serious problem that can’t be fixed, it will be bye bye pretty car! Unlike my husband who has successfully “fixed” broken cars with some duct tape and wire and drove them home, I want nothing to do with a machine that is not working up to its optimum and intended usage.

I don’t even want to think about how a machine works. Not only do my eyes glaze over when somebody starts talking mechanics….so does my mind. I just can’t wrap it around all that engineering/mechanic/software stuff. Last week I needed new ink for my printer. Simple enough you would think. I have only put new ink in my printer a few dozen times now. But last week I must have gotten the lemon of a colored ink cartridge. It absolutely did not want to pop into its little slot. I tried over and over and over. Naughty words were popping into my head and I could feel my temperature rising. I got up, walked away, got a cold drink and took a few deep breaths. I came back…..same results. It just would not fit. I had put the black cartridge in without a hitch. I really don’t know how many times I tried, but I was about to run down to Staples and buy a new printer when that thing finally slid into place. It was close!

And why is it that only things made in the last couple decades don’t seem to last very long? I have a beautiful avocado green blender given to me in 1971. It works perfectly and no blender mechanic has ever had to make a house call, nor has it spent a single day in the blender repair shop. I also have an electric hand mixer of the same vintage. I use that thing at least weekly…..never a blip, blink, or sigh from that trusty little mixer. My parents had a toaster that was still going strong after 50 years. Granted it did have a new plug installed at one point, but it never actually quit working. I think my mom was just concerned that the fraying cord might become a fire hazard at some point!

My husband waxes long and fondly about the cars of yesteryear…..his 57 Chevy was THE car of the century according to him! They jus don’t make em like that anymore! Of course we’ve all seen the pictures and heard the stories of the little ole Grandma and her vintage car that has taken her around the world and back with nary a squeaky spring! There are the guys who run their old Suburbans, Land Rovers, and Jeeps literally several hundred thousand miles. Oh they do put on new tires once in awhile and I’ve heard about a new transmissions here and there but those machines just went on and on and on. Energizer bunnies one and all!

But as I sit here gently massaging these beautiul black keys, in front of my big, colorful monitor, and see the little green light on my computer telling me all is well, I just sigh with pleasure. My computer has had major surgery, survived ICU, and is back up and running faster than ever. Surely another few years before the old gal runs out of steam again.

It’s a great world. So nice to be back in touch with it all….and you.

Wishing you all a great mechanically free day!

Chatty Grandma




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