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ICE!

August 14, 2012

It’s 105 degrees here as I sit at my desk on another scorching afternoon in the Southland. I keep thinking our wireless home weather station must be broken since it has registered 105 or above for two weeks now, but every time I shake it up and down, thump it, and in general give it dirty looks, all the gadgets, buttons and lights are working, so I have to take its word. Of course every time I am forced to go outside for pressing matters like the mail, groceries, or watering my unhappy plants, I KNOW it is 105 or above. I walk out and immediately look around for my towel, as I think I have just stepped out of a hot shower! The water runs down my neck and around my ears making my hairdo less than chic. It trickles down my back, making my shirt look as if it just came out of the washer. My palms are wet as if I were nervous and on the first day of a new job. The creases behind my knees are damp. That happens sometimes when my dog gives me kisses, but he is way too smart to come outside, so I know it is not him! It is not a pretty sight folks, and I have found no cure.

I called my doctor’s office and asked for a chill pill, but they said those were only for the severely overheated and dehydrated. I asked what in the world constituted severely overheated if my being in 105 degrees didn’t!  They said my body had to be shooting flames! I asked how dehydrated. They said I needed to be crinkled up and crackling like parchment paper when I walked. So much for the medicos. What do they know anyway? And to top it all off, my insurance doesn’t cover chill pills so I am really in trouble.

I called my girlfriend. She was sitting in a bath tub full of ice, crunching ice, wearing a shower cap full of ice. She could barely hear me above her crunches and plugged ears, but advised going to the mall where it was well air conditioned. I really wasn’t in the mood to be seen in public what with my dripping hair, soaking shirt, and sweaty knees, so that didn’t help much either.

I called the local library. They suggested several books on expeditions to the north and south poles as well as  “Mr. Popper’s Penguins”…..the famed story of a man and his family who lived with a dozen penquins and kept cool all year long with icebergs and such filling their house and basement. Trips to the poles are too expensive for my budget and I don’t know where to buy a dozen penguins. My local pet store specializes in canaries and small reptiles …no penguins there! So much for the library.

I called our local meat and food locker. I figured they were experts in cooling things off, but I got a message saying their ice machines were broken so they had left town…..headed to  Siberia to cruise the Volga river…..and would be back in early October. Until then I was advised to take my overheated, dehydrated body to Cucamonga where their associate store was located. Thanks a lot!

At last, in total desperation, I pulled this photo up out of my files and am going to try hypnosis as I stare at the lovely ice walls and the chilly blue waters. You may find me here for days to come.

 

Here’s to GLACIERS!

Chatty Grandma

 

 

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One Comment
  1. jeannie lindberg permalink

    Hehe! I know the feeling!

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